02 February 2013

It's been a tough week. 

There, I said it.  Sorry if that crashes any illusions you might have about my life here.  It's funny, actually, the number of people who are shocked by how difficult it can be to live and work on the Africa Mercy.  Some crew members come into this thinking that it'll just be this picture perfect community who all loves God and gives selflessly to each other every minute of every day.  Reality is, it is a wonderful community, but we're all human.  And humans are messy. 

I'll spare the details, they don't really matter anyway.  But I will talk about what it is causing me to ponder... Remember my Un-Resolutions?  (read it if you haven't...) My first was to pursue excellence over perfection.  Which I still wholeheartedly agree with.  I think it's a good thing and a calling on our lives to pursue excellence.  However, what I'm wondering this week, is this:  When is it okay to just be mediocre? 

I get so frustrated with myself when I have an 'off' day at work.  Or I can't seem to 'right' a relationship that is struggling.  Or old bad habits and behaviors I thought I had completely left behind suddenly become tempting again.  I know this is the human condition, I'm not alone in these things.  But I think what this week helped me to see was sometimes it's okay to be mediocre... if it's all I have to give that day.  I can't make a habit of it, if it was more than a day or two there must be something bigger going on that needs to be addressed.  But, sometimes, it's okay that a 'good' day isn't full of production, maybe it's just a good day because I managed to be nice to most everyone and kept the flaming emails at bay. 

I am also realizing how easily I offer grace to other people, but that I have a terrible time offering it to myself.  In fact, I would say to anyone on my team, anyone I work with, anyone at all for that matter, that it's totally okay to have an off day.  But it's totally unacceptable for ME to be mediocre.  Well, my friends, and myself, that's a load.  Of shingles. (one friend is laughing at that right now... the rest of you are wondering what the heck that means.... too bad.)

So there you have it.  The "why has her blog been silent for four days?" answer. I'm feeling much better, by the way, like I have excellence to offer again, and mediocrity isn't becoming a habit.  I have incredible friends who shine light into my dark days and I'm so grateful for them. 

Oh, and in other news, I've got another ear infection. Yes, I have the ears of a toddler.  However, since my move into my 3-berth (giant) cabin, I don't have to sleep in earplugs every night, which might help! We'll see... 

Much love to all my friends and family across the globe! Krissy

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