Friday, April 15, 2016

The best laid plans....

“The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry…”

It’s a paraphrase from a Scottish poem.  (more info here) And also a dangling comment made by a few different people in different conversations recently as I have been navigating a difficult few days.  (“the best laid plans….)

It’s true. They do. 

My job is planning. And then executing those plans.  In the next four weeks I am running trainings for almost three hundred people in Antananarivo, organizing the logistical details for that and the sixteen different people coming and going to make them happen (I am the consistent one)… follow up visits in five different cities, a few important governmental and partnership meetings thrown in for good measure, discussing and planning for next field service and writing reports for the current one.  Oh, and not flunking out of graduate school.

It’s always like this at the end of the field service but this year it seems a bit more… insane, I guess.  I’m carrying more responsibility and I’m a detailed planner (when necessary) so to manage all this had settled details and paperwork and supplies and organization well in advance…

Which is great until those best laid plans go awry.  Which they have.

And it makes me realize a few things. (again.)

No matter how much control I think I have? I don’t.  People need to leave unexpectedly and others fall ill and things get turned in (three weeks) late and all of that is out of my hands.  And then we throw in flight changes and some more team changes and a cyclone heading our direction and I almost start laughing from the absurdity of it.

The absurdity of my belief that if I work hard enough, things will be perfect.

I’m also laughing because the alternative is ugly crying, and let’s face it, laughing is just a better option.

So I’m adding “secure for sail” to my to-do list, in case Fantala really starts wreaking havoc and the ship has to ride it out at sea.  It’s just a real hassle, since we have to cancel surgery and evacuate patients and it would really be great if Fantala would just turn around.  So if you are the praying type, please pray for that.

from http://www.hurricanezone.net/#19s, with my colorful labels!

And I’m releasing what control I think I have into the universe, focusing on what is in front of me, trusting that none of this is a surprise to the Creator of it all.  Thank you, friends and family, for your support, encouragement, pep talks and love.  I’ll take every bit I can get at the moment.


xxK

Monday, April 4, 2016

Ideas and Dreams.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the difference between ideas and dreams.

Mine is an intellect that loves language and recently I realized I had been using the wrong term. And I was actually missing out because of it.

I’ve got a whole lot of passion for this work, this organization, these people we serve and heal and love and set free in more ways than one. I have gifts and skills and abilities and strengths that are needed here, and I love that.  I also had in my head what I thought were dreams for the future; ideas to build on and pour my passion and heart and life into...   How could it not work out, really, when it’s all for good and it’s all for God?

But at the same time, it’s been hard. Really hard. And I keep feeling like with every step forward there is a step back, or two or three.  And a plethora of difficult conversations and interactions and comments have led to me finally realizing, much to my dismay, that one particular dream just isn’t going to happen.

So there I was, grieving the death of a dream, when the still small voice whispered my love, your dreams are too small. 

What I thought was a dream was really only a good idea.

Ideas are good.  Ideas are necessary.  But ideas are small compared to dreams.

Because an idea can be squashed by one person or a few or even an organization, because they aren’t interested or they aren’t ready or it doesn’t seem to fit in the box. 

A dream can’t. 

And an idea is something I can probably pull off under my own strength with the right set of circumstances.

A dream requires a bit of the divine to bring it into reality.

I want dreams.  I am sad my idea won’t go anywhere, at least for now, but in the big picture of life and truth and destiny, it’s the dreams that transform nations and planets and people and lives; it’s the dreams that open heaven to earth to move mountains and bring hope and healing and peace and light to dark places. 

I want to dream big.  I want you to dream big.  Let’s dream big together.