Dolisie

Last week I had the privilege of leading a team to Dolisie, a small-ish town about four hours into the interior of Congo from our port city of Pointe Noire. One of the four general hospitals of Congo is located there, (two are in Pointe Noire and I spend quite a bit of time at both of them!) and we're looking into possibilities of training there, along with other things. The interior of Congo is really beautiful, it was a great trip with a great group.

The majority of the way was a very windy road through the jungle.

I forget how much I love nature until I get away from the Port and into the greenery... stunning.

Suddenly, just like driving from Western to Eastern Washington, we drove out of the forest into the savannah - totally different landscape!

A giant tree that has a history to it. I can't remember the story though. But there are tons of names carved in it.

 

We first went to the hospital and had a tour. Very nice place and the people were exceptionally welcoming and kind.  Then we went to our hotel...

Jen trying to learn French, with one of our translators, Davy.

The pool was a bonus we weren't expecting.  No one brought their swimsuits! 

That, my friends, is porcupine, and it was alright. None of the food was really that great...

Dolisie General Hospital

In the evening we went to the Agriculture site which is not far from Dolisie. Eliphaz explained about this piece of Mercy Ships that I previously didn't know much about.  We train people from all over the country on safe farming practices and natural pesticides, nutrition, animal raising, etc.  The idea is that no matter how awesome our medical programs are, if there isn't adequate nutrition in the country we are serving, it doesn't make a lasting difference.

The sunset was stunning.

Dolisie reminded me of any smaller town in Benin - very red.

On our way out of town we fed our fabric addiction at the local market! Thanks ladies for a fun trip!

Tweet-Tweet. (Alternative title: I killed the birdy and it changed my life)

I liked it at first.  The little birdy ‘tweet-tweet’ that sounded with every incoming email.  And how handy – right in my pocket on my new-to-me hand-me-down Iphone, I would know the moment someone needed anything!  It was a cute little sound, one that made me smile at first, and made my officemates laugh.  What a great feeling, carrying around the tweet-tweet with me – oh, how I could bless others with my immediate response! How I could make myself available at a moment’s notice, wherever I am, to read and be ‘in the know’ the moment something gets announced, to put out the fire erupting somewhere, to be the one who swings in at the right moment with the right words to calm a situation or to solve a problem.

And really, I’ll be honest – It made me feel important. Needed.  Necessary.  All things that every single one of us wants to feel.  We crave it, in our innermost being – to be a critical part of something bigger than ourselves. And this is how that little tweet-tweet made me feel. 

I was okay with the fact that it went off in the middle of a conversation.  Oh, how important am I?  Let me check this email before I come back to our conversation.  Oh, this is a big deal, I need to take care of it RIGHT NOW. 

But then, over several weeks, something changed – the little tweet-tweet didn’t bring the shot of euphoria it once did. Hmmm, how did that happen?   Gradually as my workload continued to increase and the email traffic along with it, I found myself slightly irritated at the little birdy in my pocket – can I please just catch a few minutes away? But oh, I’m sorry, right, this might be something urgent, I’m glad I’ve got the little birdy with me to tell me when I need to be on my toes…. It doesn’t matter that it’s a weekend or I’ve worked a hundred hours this week. I love my job and am here to serve.  So, little birdy, I’m here for you.

And just like that, I became a slave to the little birdy.  Before long that tweet-tweet that would interrupt every single conversation, interaction, or meeting.  The first thing I did when I woke up and the last thing before going to sleep was to check emails, just one more time, to make sure there isn’t anything really important.   I would fall asleep thinking about how I would word a response to something, and then dream of my poor translating of an email getting me fired from my job. 

Oh Lord, forgive me.  Oh, my friends – to you whom I’ve turned away from conversation and heart connection and relationship to answer the little birdy, I’m so, so sorry. 

I went away for the last two days, on an interior hospital assessment (blog post with photos to come later), and for the first time in many weeks, the birdie was silenced. 

Oh, the relief! 

And then, the realization that sent me to my knees in repentance – one person does not sink a ship.  Especially this one, where every single day situations and interactions remind me that this is God’s ship, not ours. How arrogant of me to believe that I am really that important, that if I don’t respond this minute that something drastic might happen that only I can fix.  How many conversations and relationships have I missed out on because of the little birdy tweeting in my pocket? And how many other people were prevented from stepping up and helping out in a situation because I had the immediate response? And how much stress and sleeplessness could have been averted had I not become a slave to the tweet-tweet?

So this morning I killed the birdy.  I shut off the tweet-tweet notification that comes from every email.  I had rich and beautiful and complete conversations with friends and coworkers and had a marvelously productive day that was laced with grace and joy and a peace I haven’t felt since the birdy first took up residence in my pocket. 

The cry of my heart - That I would never again become slave to the urgent.  That I would be known for my love, peace, joy, kindness, goodness, and gentleness, and not for the ugliness that is arrogance and pride in me.  That I would rest in the shadow of His wings and speak life into His people and love well and live free.

~K

A textbook for world changers (a must-read book!)

 

 

I'm sure I've written about books before, thoughts from whatever I'm reading that stirs up wonderings and writings and conversations both here and in real life. But I don't think I've ever actively promoted a book before, until today.

 

The Well-Balanced World Changer: A field guide for staying sane while doing good 

 

The first line:

 

"Sometimes I wonder if life's greatest challenge is not finding your purpose in life, but surviving it."

 

Gasp. Sputter. Rush of adrenaline - this woman speaks my language.

 

(Her name, by the way, is Sarah Cunningham and I like to think of her as a close personal friend.  Not really, but we did share an email conversation after the gasp-sputter-rush of adrenaline caused me to stalk her blog and Facebook page... actually, I just wanted to bless her and say thank you and she replied!) 

 

In those 17 little words she has summed up this last season for me.  I've found my purpose in life... now I'm trying to survive it!

 

It's full of short (2-3 page) shots of wisdom, insight, honesty, and truth, directed at those of us who have said yes to the call to serve and are now trying to navigate the sometimes murky waters of faith and calling and serving and maintaining our sanity.

 

"We will marvel at the endless lines of people in need (Screening day, anyone?), tremble at systemic issues so huge they seem un-dentable (corruption, greed, poor infrastructure, lack of compassion, on and on and on....), and shed blood, sweat, and tears and the two-steps-forward, one-step-back progress that can leave us wounded and panting for breath from what seems like an uphill battle."

 

(from the intro of the book, but the stuff in parenthesis is my own thoughts)

 

Wow, ya think? Welcome to my world. Seriously.

 

"In the meantime, our task is to learn to live well in the learning curve - to settle in and find a home in the tension between the way things are and the way we hope they will one day be."

 

Yes and Amen.

 

So, because I could seriously write the entire intro here as amazing writing, and I haven't even gotten into the meat of the book, I must leave it at that lest I get myself into a sticky situation involving copyright infringement or something.

 

But seriously- I would love this to be highly-suggested reading for every Mercy Shipper (especially long term as it addresses burnout prevention quite well).  And get this--

 

Its only $3.03 on Amazon Kindle right now as a new-release promotion. So get over to Amazon and get this little gem.  And I promise I'll be writing more of my thoughts about some of what she says in future blog posts.

 

--krissy

 

oh, and if you get it, and read it, let me know 'cause I would love to talk with you about it over a hot (or cold, really) beverage sometime.  

 

Oh, and just to be clear - I don't actually know Sarah or have any vested interest in her selling her book except that I think it's brilliant and she actually did reply to my thank-you email, which I thought was very sweet.  :)

 

Come and get it!

My new favorite thing to do on a Sunday morning - open up the Café with my lovely friend Dianna and bless crewmembers with a java jolt/sweet treat/sugar bath for their teeth. :)



 

Dianna's doodling on the countertop.

My attempt at Dianna's caramel macchiato... oops. 

Dianna enjoying said macchiato... after I cleaned it up a bit.

Caroline, Dianna's oldest daughter, is so helpful and rings people up so I can focus on other things like the music we are playing or the drinks being ordered.

Michelle so happy with her java jolt and soda!

Emma, Dianna's littlest one, feeding Tom's fish on his ipad.  Thanks, Tom, for entertaining Emma!

Me and my partner in crime, Dianna. I am so grateful for this lovely friend.

Sarah got so excited about her beverage she lost her neck. :)
 

Anyway, so there are a few photos of my morning. It truly brings me such joy to be able to bless others and sing 90's music with Dianna and dance and laugh and do something completely different than my 'regular job' here on the ship. I'm already looking forward to next week! Thanks to all the AFM crew who come by and bring joy - so grateful for each of you!

May your Sunday bring you as much joy as it has already brought me! (and it's not even 1pm!) :) Love to all - Krissy

Speedboat.

This is me.  Right now. Tonight. I'm still here, still smiling. Thumbs up, even.  Just wanted to send this (terrible webcam photo) out to my friends and family wondering if I've survived this last season... It's been hard, no question. But awesome. Not in a fuzzy, laughing, feel good kind of awesome but in a stretching, growing, exhausting and entirely fulfilling awesome. 

I will attempt to write more this weekend.  Hopefully. No promises.  As one lovely friend put it this week - she said, "you, my friend, are on a speedboat heading to big things... and God has got you there - so hang on!!" - Yes, this is what it feels like! So I'm just trying to hang on. 

Love to all - Krissy

Rock, or sand.

It's a good thing to have all the props pulled out from under us occasionally. It gives us some sense of what is rock under our feet and what is sand.

~Madeline L'Engle

So if you’re a regular to my blog you have probably read that I’ve had a rough couple of weeks – in fact, this post is probably the saddest thing I’ve ever written.  I hemmed and hawed (who says that?) about hitting ‘publish’ for quite a long time, and eventually did… because that was the reality of my life, and not just a one hour or one day mood swing (which I will never write about!) but a two or three week stretch of time that was just hard.  I won’t ever publish something that I don’t feel a peace about sending, regardless of the content.  And generally the posts that are the hardest to hit ‘publish’ are the ones that resonate the most with others… and this was no different.

I’m quite honestly humbled and honored by some of the feedback I’ve gotten.  I’ve felt loved and supported and encouraged and even challenged a bit, all wonderful things. But the thing that has surprised me the most is the comments from people here on the ship.  I’m partially surprised by how many people here actually read my ramblings, but the overwhelming theme of all responses has been:

I feel the same way.

I’m so glad to hear I’m not the only one who feels that way.

You could be writing my own thoughts right now.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Oh, friends, you are not alone. Come sit with me in the dining room and we’ll chat. J  But really, I’m just grateful that God has once again used my rambling words to speak to the hearts of his people.   

And there’s something about authenticity that lessens the weight of whatever is heavy on your heart.  I’m feeling better, putting one foot in front of the other, just doing what I know to do to the honor and glory of my creator and trusting him with the rest.  And like the quote above, I do think it’s important to take these opportunities to really press into seeing and understanding what you’ve built yourself and your identity on – the rock, or the sand.

 

 - Krissy

Trust.

Last week I was scheduled to speak at hospital devotions. This is a time once a month when the whole hospital staff gets together - it's entirely optional, usually starts with worship and then a few announcements followed by a speaker. 

I had replied to the email a week previously asking for volunteers to speak with a 'sure, put me down whenever no one else wants to do it' - not because I believe I have something to say but rather because I believe God does and I trust him to reveal it whenever it was my turn.  Then the reply came - congrats, next week! oh dear.  Do I still trust when I have a few days to prepare as opposed to a couple of months?

Well, they were set for Tuesday morning and so I had planned on several hours to seek and discern and listen on Monday night... which was completely hijacked with other obligations and work stuff and people and the entire day left me flustered and irritated...

But the thing was I already knew what I was supposed to share.  I had been given two words and a passage of scripture and I knew it... I just didn't like it. So I ignored it.  And pleaded for words, ideas, stories, and eventually excuses as to why I couldn't do it. And then my day got busier and my thoughts more scattered and panic began to set in as I started to worry about what people would think or that expectations were high and I would just disappoint everyone... oh dear, friends, it was a mess. 

But God is gracious and loving and meets us in the mess.  And the question was raised, the still small whisper of my heart - do you trust me?

Yes, of course.

Do you really? Because you can't just trust me halfway. You either trust me or you don't.  You either trust that I have given you the words, that I haven't brought you here to abandon you, that I do speak, that you do hear and know my voice, that this day is not a coincidence, that your words matter, that I work all things for good, that my word never returns void.... You either trust all that, or you don't.  And if you don't, you have no business getting up and speaking from the front.  But if you do... then just get on with it!

oh. 

okay. 

The end of that story is then I said yes and got on with it and went to bed and everything was fine in the morning... but the end of my story is still being decided, like some kind of grand cosmic choose your own adventure novel where the choices of today can effect eternity and God is continually asking that persistent question of do you trust me?


Do I? It's a critical question, one that requires a response.  And not halfway, either - there's no sometimes or mostly or when it's comfortable.  Either I trust all of it or I don't.  Black or white. Yes or no. 


Yes. 

With a sigh of relief, or a torrent of tears, or a joyous laughter...

In everything.

Yes.

Fight for Joy.

I’ve entered a quiet season – a season where words seem to be more difficult to find.  It’s not just on this blog; I can’t even seem to find the words to write in my journal, which is usually full.  The last several weeks for many, many days I’ve managed to simply write the date and Father God, before just staring into space or dissolving into tears or falling asleep.

I like my job a whole lot and I seem to be finding a rhythm in that, or at least beginning to accept the lack of rhythm as normal and moving on and pursuing excellence and learning everything that I can. So that piece seems to be doing okay.

It’s everything else that’s just out of whack. 

It’s incredible how I can be surrounded by 400 other people in a small, confined area but feel desperately lonely. 

And when the cry of my heart is to be a good friend but it seems relationships are falling apart all around me and I’m faced with the reality that I really must not be a good friend… that’s devastating.

And when I’ve been completely obedient to what I believe with all my heart is a directive from God but all I’ve experienced on the other end is heartache… that hurts.

On my door right now is written, “Fight for joy, fight for freedom.” – I need that reminder.  Joy is worth fighting for, and it’s opposed.  Someone asked me a few days ago, what exactly does that look like for me, now, in this place, at this time...

It looks like getting out of bed this morning when everything in me wanted to hide away with my self pity and contempt.  It looks like going to the beach because, really, I know I will never regret going to the beach, but I will regret staying in bed all day with only my depression to keep me company.

It looks like eating dinner with someone, a stranger or a friend, when everything in me wants to skip the meal and the huge room which transports me back to junior high and that desperation of everyone having friends to sit with except me.

 

It looks like picking up the $1 joys - like teaching a friend how to ‘properly’ break into a Ritter bar, saying yes to the little one wanting to be carried to the car,  or the surprise donation that will help fund a Christmas getaway.

It looks like trusting and believing regardless of what I can see or feel, because that which I can see and feel is only temporary, but that which I believe and trust is eternal.  And in Him that I trust lies the fullness of joy.  And that’s worth fighting for.

K

 

$1 joys.

We had a surgeon here the last couple weeks named Dr. David Levy who also did some speaking. One day he talked about $1 joys.  He said that we often spend our lives looking for and waiting for those $1000 joys - getting a boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, getting into the right school or finishing school or buying a home or having a child.  Those things are awesome, of course, but if we spend our lives looking for and longing for those $1000 joys, we will miss the thousands of $1 joys that are all around us every day. 

$1 joy - the oranges in Congo are actually orange and delicious. (in west Africa they are green and tough...)

$1 joy - ultimate Frisbee with friends. and running back together. getting nice and sweaty and smiley. oh, the joy.

$1 joy - fun post-it notes.

$1 joy - smiles and winks from friends. 

$1 joy - saying yes to tagging along to the beach this morning and cheering on the young soccer players.

$1 joy - sun kissed cheeks on a day that didn't seem very sunny.

$1 joy - clean laundry.

$1 joy - the gift of a foam mattress topper - so comfy!!

 

 

$1 joy - getting to make a sand fortress with this sweet little one.

 

$1 joy - one lonely soy milk with milk still in it at breakfast in the dining room.

 

$1 joy - sweet notes on my door from friends.

 

$1 joy - "we didn't start the fire" song conversation that lead to that song being in my head for the rest of the morning. I literally have not even thought of that song for at least a decade. Maybe two.

 



$1 joy - mail from my mom.  and the fact that she's sent me a letter every single week for nearly four years. I will not start rating or comparing my joys/blessings... but if I did, this might be a $10 joy :)

$1 joy - being in midships lounge (where I seldom go) when Rachel passed on her way to make bars, which she was missing raisins and nuts... two things I happen to have.  So we made bars together.  What a joy. 

$1 joy - tea with friends.

$1 joy - bringing tea to friends.

$1 joy - little pieces of paper that remind me of who I really am.

$1 joy - cinnamon toast crunch in the ship shop on a very busy day.

$1 joy - sweet facebook messages from friends back home.

$1 joy - getting invited to family movie night. 

$1 joy - laughter through tears... fighting for joy.


May you be overwhelmed with $1 joys today.  Much love - Krissy

Alive.

We joke here sometimes that this place makes you bipolar.  Some days it feels truer than others. Like today.

I ended my weekend feeling awesome about life in general, with the words this is my dream job and I love this community and assorted other comments and thoughts about how grateful I am to God for the blessings and favor he's shown me and the journey that has brought me here.  Read: flying high.

Then... Monday morning... Baby Girl (Click the link to read about what happened and have a kleenex ready....or four)

Then... a series of frustrating encounters that leave me feeling completely inadequate in my job and wondering what was I thinking?

Then... I look at the calendar and realize that tomorrow is September 11. Twelve years seems like a lifetime ago but as I think of it I can still feel the brick behind my back and the cold tile floor as I sat with hundreds of other students in the student center of my university, watching the replay of death and destruction over and over and fearing for my friends who might be drafted into this new war against terror.  With whispers of war in Syria and seemingly unending instability elsewhere, my heart longs for a world at peace.

And I find myself here again, with the the and yets or at the same times battling through my consciousness.

Because in another bed down in the ward sleeps a little two year old boy whose life was nearly gone that God brought to us just in time - now he's laughing and playing and has the opportunity to grow up and become a leader in his nation.  Despair, and yet, joy.

Because at another time in another place I knew what I was thinking, and I know better than to fall prey to the darkness... rather, I rely in the darkness on what I learned in the light and regardless of what it feels like I know this is exactly where I am supposed to be.  Frustration, and yet, confidence in my calling.

Because I know that creation groans in longing for it's return to peace, and that God brings all things together for good for those who love him.  Because I know that ultimately, light trumps darkness and the good guys win. Desperation, and yet, hope.

At the same time.

And once again I find myself realizing how good it is that I can feel, because that means I am alive. 

So I will not hide my tears, nor will I squash my joys. This is life to the full, and for that, I am grateful.

Krissy