On rhythms and grace.

Congratulations, you survived yet another week in this upside-down world.

It’s a small consolation that everyone in the world is going through this at the same time.  This discombobulated semi-existence that looks nothing like real life and feels like a shadow of what it should be, where everything is as it is yet nothing is right, is the lived experience of billions of people and we’re all going to come out the other side looking and feeling changed.  And I keep reminding myself, that change can be for the good or for the bad, and how I approach each minute of each day of the unending weeks is up to me.

SO I’ve figured out what kind of rhythm works for me, for now, for today and tomorrow and we’ll just have to see after that. I’ve given myself a to-do list for every day:

1.  Clean 1 room. I have a pretty big house and I need to keep on top of the sweeping, mainly, to keep control of the dog hair situation.  Sweeping and dusting, with the bathroom getting a good scrub, of one room per day keeps it under control. 

2. Organize something. This can be something small like one drawer or shelf, or something bigger, but usually, when I start with something small I’ll usually keep going on a little bit.  Eventually everything that needs organizing in my house will finally be organized and I’ll have to replace this one with something else, but for now I still have to hit at least four shelves of my closet, my briefcase, my giant pile of work paperwork on my kitchen table, the kitchen utensil drawer, etc. Plenty to organize. 

3. Run.  I managed to acquire a treadmill about a week ago and I have really, really noticed a difference in my attitude and emotional state, which I’ve always known. I’m just a nicer person to be around when I’m running regularly, and now I can keep on towards the 2020 marathon goal.

4. Yoga. See number 3, I’m a nicer person when I exercise regularly, and having a regular practice is helpful in a myriad of ways, including flexibility, mindfulness, grounding, strength, and presence.

5.  Meditate.  This might be centering prayer or a mindfulness practice but in the end it helps me to focus on the immediate; the intake of breath and the beating of my heart and the intentionality of focused time not worried about the future or the world or the news or the next work project but the inhale and the exhale and the peace found in between. 

6. Do something outside. Regardless of what it is and how long it takes, get outside for a little bit each day.  I desperately miss nature and hiking but even if all I get is a little bit of time in my yard, it's better than nothing. 

So that’s my daily to-do list, and alongside the commitment to these things I have a huge bucketful of grace.  Because this upside-down world is disorienting and I can’t know in advance when the grief or the fear or the lonely or the longing will come by and punch me in the gut, leaving me breathless and gasping and wondering what the hell just happened.  (that happened today)

Someone asked me yesterday if I had any fun plans for the weekend and the only thing different today than yesterday is that I will probably only work a few hours instead of several and I let myself lounge around in bed a little longer than usual.  What else is there?  But I’m simultaneously so grateful for a bed that’s comfy and a refrigerator full of food and a dog that loves me, and instead of thinking about what might happen in a few months I’m going to focus on what will happen in the next few hours, and then I’ll keep doing that day after day until the world is right again.  It’s the best I can do.

My Jay hiding in the bushes while I washed my car.