On Mercy: The other side.

I’ve spent the last ten days in the hospital.

No panic necessary, I’m fine and quite healthy. I’m a subject in a research study, as an inpatient participant. It pays well, and I have the time, so I thought (as I do with many opportunities that come my way) why not?

I’m finishing the first of two ten-day stays where the researchers manipulate my diet and environment and run various scans and tests to measure changes. (No medications involved). It’s fascinating, honestly. I’ve worked in and with hospitals across the world as well as been a researcher in various settings, so to find myself on the other side of both, as a patient and participant, has been an incredibly eye-opening experience.

A few observations, in no particular order:

There’s no such thing as privacy. I didn’t realize how difficult I would find this; I’m a private person and an introvert, and yes, I had a private room, but nurses and aides and doctors and dieticians and various other people come in anytime, at all hours. At one point I found myself sitting on the bathroom floor, the only place I knew I’d be left alone, giving myself a pep talk (that usually goes something along the lines of you were in the peace corps, you’re a badass, you can do this) and breathing deep, centering, calming breaths. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to share a room or to be in a big, open ward. Perhaps if I was actually sick I wouldn’t care about it, but it was a challenge.

I’m willing to give up control… but I don’t like it. No big shocker here. To not have a choice in much, if anything, is a challenging situation, and made me appreciate when I did have choices. And especially when it comes to food, I found myself moodier than I’ve felt since I was a teenager. I’m sure it was compounded by needle sticks and challenging sleep, but I’ll be very happy to return home where I am back in charge! Oh, and caffeine withdrawal is also a nightmare, just saying.

Nurses are amazing people. We all know nurses are amazing, but to interact daily with them for the last ten days really reinforced this particular fact. They’re kind, generous, work crazy schedules, put up with demanding patients and caregivers without losing it, at least in front of me. Mad props, nurses. Thanks for taking such great care of me.

I’m happy to be heading home in a few hours, after the last scans, and I’ll be back here in a few weeks for another ten days. It’s not a bad gig; the wireless internet is fast, I’ve been able to make some progress on the consulting project I’ve been working on, I’ve slept a lot, I’ve watched the Olympics and Gilmore Girls, read a bit, chatted with nurses, and paced up and down the hallways like the caged animal I am. An interesting experience, anyway, and will allow me to finish up this time of #funemployment without going into debt, a huge win.

A few photos: