I like one-word resolutions. Easy to remember.
I am not a very kind person to myself. If I talked to my friends the way I talk to myself, I certainly wouldn’t have any friends.
I’ve known this a long time. It’s not like this is a new, earth shattering idea. But for some reason I never was able to take the sentiment beyond just a sentiment and into actual practice. Yes I know I’m not an idiot, but I am certainly going to keep telling myself I am, thank you very much. Maybe then I can get my act together.
Somehow over my vacation I realized that I have this deeply held belief that if I just get my sh** together, nothing would go wrong or I wouldn’t make mistakes or everything would be peachy keen jelly bean.
That is the definition of shame. Not that I have a problem but that I am a problem.
And it is reflected in how I talk to myself. But the thing is, it doesn’t work. Stasi Eldredge reminds me in her awesome book Becoming Myself that shame is never a motivator for change.
Just before the New Year I read this article from Storyline: http://storylineblog.com/2016/01/04/you-are-in-a-relationship-with-yourself-make-it-a-healthy-one/
And for some reason, it clicked. I am in an unhealthy relationship… with myself.
And I started talking to myself the way I would talk to a friend.
And you know what? Something has shifted. I'm a failure has been replaced with I make mistakes sometimes. And I am learning and growing and becoming and smart and a good friend. Among other things.
I’m determined and committed to be kind to myself. And I want to encourage you to do the same.
Try it. For one day. Or one hour. Or after one mistake. You won't regret it.