20 January 2016

2016 un-resolutions:

1.       Laugh
2.       Create
3.       Enough
4.       Kind

I like one-word resolutions.  Easy to remember.

I am not a very kind person to myself.   If I talked to my friends the way I talk to myself, I certainly wouldn’t have any friends.

I’ve known this a long time. It’s not like this is a new, earth shattering idea. But for some reason I never was able to take the sentiment beyond just a sentiment and into actual practice.  Yes I know I’m not an idiot, but I am certainly going to keep telling myself I am, thank you very much. Maybe then I can get my act together.

Somehow over my vacation I realized that I have this deeply held belief that if I just get my sh** together, nothing would go wrong or I wouldn’t make mistakes  or everything would be peachy keen jelly bean.

That is the definition of shame.  Not that I have a problem but that I am a problem.

And it is reflected in how I talk to myself.  But the thing is, it doesn’t work.  Stasi Eldredge reminds me in her awesome book Becoming Myself that shame is never a motivator for change.

And for some reason, it clicked.  I am in an unhealthy relationship… with myself.

And I started talking to myself the way I would talk to a friend. 

And you know what? Something has shifted.  I'm a failure has been replaced with I make mistakes sometimes. And I am learning and growing and becoming and smart and a good friend. Among other things. 

I’m determined and committed to be kind to myself.  And I want to encourage you to do the same.

Try it. For one day. Or one hour. Or after one mistake.   You won't regret it. 

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