May it be so.

I was awakened by the early morning crow of roosters just outside my window; heartless creatures with no deference to the fact that I hadn’t slept much in the two days of travel across nine time zones and that their early morning trumpeting anthem to the rising of the sun was an unwelcome intrusion in my deep, dreamless sleep. But just as the sun rises every day so do the rooster calls, and with that I slowly entered in to my first day of living back in West Africa. 

~~

A few hours later, I’ve enjoyed a fully-caffeinated cup of coffee, a rare treat that I’m grateful to no longer be desperate for but enjoy fully on days like today. I’ve managed a shower, throwing my hair into the ponytail that is the norm until the next time I set foot in a less tropical climate and can control the frizzy mess. For the same reason I wear almost no makeup, the heat and humidity melting it off my face in a matter of minutes.  My skin is always happy in this place.  

I’m wearing a light dress and have slipped my still travel-swollen feet into flipflops for the first part of the day. Hopefully the swelling will continue to go down in the hours before I need to wear real shoes to a meeting with a local partner later this afternoon.  I’m so looking forward to having clothes made here; the bright African fabrics beckon, custom-made local dresses garner instant respect among the locals.  I still grieve a little bit when I think of the bag full of beautiful, perfectly tailored African clothing that was lost by Air France last summer.  I must begin replacing them soon.  

I hear the pitter-patter of a few drops of rain on the tin roof above me and I wonder if we’re in for a sprinkling or a deluge. We’re in that weird, unpredictable space between dry and rainy seasons; it doesn’t rain all day every day as it will starting in a few weeks, with roads flooding and rivers flowing fiercely through whatever happens to fall in the torrent’s path.  The rain can be fierce in the tropics, and I feel the familiar pang of injustice, as other countries and people suffer in the grip of drought while we have more water than we know what to do with here. 

In a few minutes I’ll escape the cool of my air-conditioned bedroom and face my first staff meeting, where I’ll be introduced as the new boss.  I’m a little nervous but mostly excited; there’s something magical somehow about being back on the African continent, where I feel a different kind of alive, like a piece of me that I left behind slides silently back into place and I am whole again.  

~~

The customs and immigration process in this part of the world is always a frustration; there’s generally not much logic or efficiency in the process, and it’s as if the airport staff is always surprised by this giant plane landing and unloading hundreds of weary passengers.  But it seems the universe knew I needed a jolt of encouragement, and the process of arrival last night was the easiest and most straightforward I’ve ever experienced in the countless times I’ve gone through it.  I’m praying it’s an indication of what is to come for me in this foreign land; a smooth, easy welcome.  May it be so. 

~~

It was a deluge, by the way. The rain pounded the roof so loudly we had to delay our first meeting as it was impossible to hear what anyone was saying.   In the meantime we found out about a meeting we should have been a part of so rearranged the rest of the day to accommodate; this is the norm here and I’m reminded once again to release my type-A-American grip on time and planning and punctuality. 

~~

Lunch consisted of a peanut butter sandwich and a granola bar, both American goodies brought over in one of the six bags that contain everything important in my life.  I said once, and I’ll say it again, with enough peanut butter I really do think I can make a difference in the world.  Also in those bags you’ll find a large stash of protein powder, probiotics, mechanical pencils and post-it notes; a lovely alliterative combination of treats that together make me feel almost invincible.   Almost.  

~~

In an afternoon full of meetings I’m reminded a hundred times why I am here.  The topics of discussion range from the seemingly insignificant to the heinous and grievous; I’m realizing again that working in social justice is a whole different animal to working in healthcare.  For the most part, (though certainly not all), the patients in my previous work had horrible things happen to them rather by accident; the tumor just appeared one day and grew, or they were injured somehow in a vehicle accident, or their legs just never were quite straight. But here and now, though, the hurt we are trying to prevent and repair is caused not by fate or circumstance but rather by another human being who has lost any and all belief in the value of a human life. We can’t just take the tumor away and give them a new lease on life.  It’s so complicated and heart wrenching and I’m so honored I get to be a part of the solution… at least, I hope I get to.  Please, may it be so. 

~~

It’s after 9pm and we’ve just gotten home; I was greeted by the sweet and playful ‘guard dog’ whose name is nofriend or onefriend or just friend, depending on who you ask. I’m pleased with myself for making it through a long afternoon of meetings without nodding off; jet-lag going east is always worse for me than going west. It was a long day but a full day, my body is weary but my heart is full. I’ve met some great people, I’m hopeful with possibility of making a difference here, I’m excited about the rest of the week and I know this whole thing, this crazy thing, is right.  It will not be easy, but most things in life worth doing aren’t.   

So as I brush my teeth and find my earplugs and crawl under my mosquito-net fortress/canopy bed, I’m filled with nothing but gratitude. I’m so thankful I get to do this, I get to be a part of making the world a little bit better for these kids, to get to put one foot in front of the other here on the far side of the sea, to bring light and speak joy and hope and life to the full. May it be so. 

I bless the rains down in Africa.  Thanks Toto. 

On leaving day, and remembering.

It’s leaving day! 

What am I feeling? 

More than anything, a sense of relief.  I’ve been planning and dreaming and thinking and strategizing for this for so long… I’m so sick of saying goodbye, I just want to get this show on the road and start bringing some of these dreams into reality.  I’m also doing a lot of remembering. 

Of course I am remembering my first big departure day, when I left home to join the Peace Corps.  It was a new country and new adventure but I was travelling with a whole group of people and it was a very structured arrival into country.  Then when I moved back to the ship a few years later, I was travelling with a team of people I had been in training with for weeks and knew a whole crew of people and structure were waiting for me on the other side of the sea. 

This time it’s different. I’m heading out really mostly solo – a coworker is travelling with me and we’ll be together for the first week in country, but then I’m on my own, leading a team I barely know into new exciting dreams we might not even share yet.  I’ve only met a handful of people on the other side.  I’m really excited but realistic about the fact that it’s going to be hard.  I was saying goodbye to a few friends last week and they were saying “I hope it’s great” and I replied with “I’m hoping for 51% awesome!”.  They got it.  Anyone who has worked overseas for any length of time knows appropriate expectations are necessary and they are almost always too high.  I’m hoping for 51% awesome and any more than that would be total icing. 

I’m also remembering a journal that is in the bottom of a box somewhere in my mothers’ basement. In it, written nearly two decades ago while I was in college at a campus ministry gathering, are the words the speaker asked us to consider: What would it look like to give up everything in trusting God? Can you do that?  My response?  No… I don’t think I can do that, because he might send me to Africa.  At that time I had a very confused concept of God and his goodness and thought that would be the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to me – a punishment of sorts.  Well, here I am, unable to imagine doing anything else, and living in Africa is the place I want to be more than anything. 

So as I cram my last few items into my bags and hope it all makes it to Liberia by tomorrow evening, I’m filled with so much gratitude.  Thank you, friends and family and fellow world changers, for being so supportive of this crazy life I lead. Thank you for being a part of my story.  

xxk

Escape.

While mindlessly scrolling thru my newsfeed recently, someone (I’m not sure who or what organization or I would give them credit) posted something along these lines: 

Self-care is not about bubble baths and champagne (though those are not bad things).  Self-care is about creating a life you don’t need to escape from. 

It really stuck with me and I’ve been thinking on it a lot lately, especially as I’m embarking on setting up a new life in a new country overseas, and really want to be intentional in keeping it sustainable and healthy, when my determined achiever personality might more naturally jump full speed ahead leading to burnout in six months’ time.  

This week we also had a couple of dedicated staff development days and we were tasked with creating goals and objectives as leaders in our fields.  As I was thinking on this I realized I want a similar ideal for my work and team: I want to create an environment at work where no one feels the need to escape.  I never want to find myself living and longing for weekends and I would be devastated to find out my employees felt that way.  

So it’s a work in progress but here’s some of my initial thoughts on how to do this.  It’s by no means a comprehensive list, and many of these are the ‘minimum’ requirement – more would be ideal! I’d love suggestions or ideas so feel free to comment if you’ve got ‘em! What works for you? 

Personal: 

·     One day completely off from work weekly

·     One day tech-free every two weeks

·     One long weekend off from work and mostly tech-free every quarter

·     Exercise 3-4x/week

·     Dedicated space for meditation/prayer/journaling 5x/week

·     Intentional connection with someone I don’t often connect with weekly, whether by email or phone

·     Make time every week for the podcasts I most enjoy and keep me grounded

·     Make time to read books I enjoy

Professional/team: 

·     Weekly team meetings encouraging collaboration

·     Biweekly individual meetings with each staff member

·     Monthly group outings/meals

·     Once I get my boots on the ground and get to know the team and culture, more of these types of things will hopefully become clear! 

Theoretically, if I put all these things in the calendar in advance, I will be less likely to crash in a few weeks or months!  

Well, it’s T-1 day to departure, so today’s goal is laundry and packing with a final run to the store to pick up some more luggage locks and straps in the hopes all of my worldly goods make it to the far side of the sea.  Wish me luck. 

--Krissy

Yesterday's self-care: Doughnuts and coffee for lunch on the beach. Because #america. 

On courage.

As I’ve been telling people over the last few weeks and months about what I’m heading back overseas to do, there’s one word that’s consistently used to describe me:  Brave.

In a week I’m moving to a new country West Africa where I’ve only visited for a few days.  I don’t know anyone very well, I don’t really speak the most widely spoken language, I’ll be working in a field I’m not super familiar with, leading a team that doesn’t have any reason to trust me except on faith. I have to figure out everything, from where to buy eggs and bread and shampoo to transportation throughout the city to where to find the best shawarma all while memorizing the names and faces of what feels like zillions of partners and friends and coworkers and fellow humanitarians all working towards making the world a little bit better.

Everyone, it seems, thinks that’s a very brave thing.  But honestly? It’s just me, walking out the life I was created for. It doesn’t feel like taking the massive leap of faith and tapping impossibly deep wells of bravery to do it. 

What’s brave to me and brave to you are entirely different things, based on our stories. 

What I think is incredibly brave?  Committing your life to another person and walking through thick and thin. Having a child and committing to raising them in the world today to be (hopefully) well-adjusted, resilient, strong adults. Getting up every day even through grief, or chronic pain, or loneliness, or challenges I can’t imagine.  It’s putting your art, or your sport, or your passion out there into a world that may not appreciate it.  It’s you. You’re brave. 

God doesn’t give us courage. He gives us opportunities to be courageous. Every.single.day.  Regardless of what we’re doing and where we find ourselves.   My life and calling is no greater, or more brave, or harder than anyone else’s. Reminder: comparison is the thief of joy. Don’t compare your life to mine. 

What’s brave for me? Asking for help.  Admitting I don’t have it all together all the time.  Being okay with feeling deeply.  Going out with a group of mostly strangers.  Putting my whole self out into the world and not becoming who I think others would want me to be. 

It’s true I’m going to have lots of opportunities to be courageous when I move to Liberia in six days, but no more so than anyone moving to any new city.  I’m really excited, more than anything else, which is a good sign. I’m stocking up on really important things like bandaids and granola bars and hoping I can get it all in under my luggage allowance.  I’m enjoying the sunshine that finally made an appearance; Seattle springtimes can be really glorious once the rain stops! 

Anyway, that’s all for today – go out and do something courageous with what you've been given on this day and every day.   

Cheers - Krissy

Seattle springtime is glorious! 

Hopping around.

It’s gotten to a point where I have so much to write about, I don’t know where to start or how to convey everything I want to… so I end up just putting it off another day.  Which, if you know me, is quite unlike me – I’m usually whatever the opposite of a procrastinator is, and like to get things done and off my plate.  Well, tonight I’m determined to cross “blog” off my to-do list, so will just jump right in with an update on life. 

After a tearful Boston goodbye I flew through a snowstorm in New York on to a beautiful day in Colorado Springs.  Spring-like sunshine and the beauty of Garden of the Gods soothed my weary heart, a welcome space to breathe the season of ends and beginnings.

Reunions with dear friends, several of whom I forgot to take pictures with, reminded my heart that true friendships endure regardless of the years apart or miles in between.  I’m so grateful. 

Then I had the privilege of serving the Ransomed Heart team on the work crew for Captivating, a women’s conference I’ve helped with several times over the years (my first was in 2004!) and got to reconnect with old dear wonderful friends and was blessed immensely with bunches of new beautiful heart friends in just a few days.  I think there’s a whole blog post in me about the weekend that I’ll post eventually, but for now, some of the beauty:

Then it was onward to Seattle, where I’m staying for a few weeks to prepare for the big move to Liberia.  The headquarters of my new organization, Orphan Relief and Rescue, is here and I’m able to get to know the staff here while learning all I can about the programs, processes, and operational procedures before heading over.  It’s been a fruitful time, and a great time to reconnect with Seattle friends and family.

So that’s the practical update at the moment; I leave for Liberia on April 28^th, so in less than two weeks I’ll be sweating like crazy and trying to be understood and probably wondering what on earth I was thinking!  But I know it’s right and I’m really excited.  I’ve got about a dozen half-written blog posts about a variety of topics, but now that I’ve gotten this one written maybe they’ll get finished!

Thanks for being a part of my story.  Much love, Krissy