Between dogs and wolves.

I grew up and lived the majority of my life in the far northern United States, never further than a few hundred miles from the Canadian border.  As you move away from the equator the dusk and the dawn stretch out longer and longer; the first hues of pale blue lighting the horizon long before the actual sunrise, and summer evenings dawdle as they dwindle, holding on to the day like a small child fighting sleep for as long as possible before darkness finally falls.  

This space between darkness and light is one of wonder and awe.  I loved hearing the morning songs of the birds, the rustling in the leaves, the sounds of life awakening and a new day dawning. I hold close fond memories of playing cards late into the night on the front porch with the mosquitos buzzing angrily outside the screens and the loons calling between the lakes as they settle in for the night.  The French have a beautiful, poetic phrase for this space in between: temps entre les chiens et loupswhich literally translated means the time between dogs and wolves.  It’s the twilight hours when you can’t quite tell the difference between dogs and wolves, or maybe it’s the time in between the dogs barking and the wolves calling, but either way, even thinking about it brings a familiar ache to my belly of longing for that magical feeling of the world holding it’s breath for just a moment longer.

Here, near the equator, it’s a different story; the night falls very quickly, the daylight appears almost abruptly.  One second I look out my window to complete darkness and seemingly a few seconds later it’s full-on daylight. The sun comes barreling in to the day like a bull in a china shop and it’s as if it can’t wait to escape the heat and humidity of the day (I can relate) and plunges us all into darkness as quickly as possible. Without the spot lights and street lamps and gajillions of gigawatts of power at our disposal that you might have elsewhere, the darkness here is really, really dark. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about this time, this space between darkness and light, in our own lives.  When we’re feeling the darkness closing in, and we try to find the light… sometimes it’s like equator light; we say a prayer or make a decision and the darkness lifts immediately.  You take the risk and open your heart to the possibility of being loved and everything changes in a flash.  You get honest and admit your struggle and suddenly you have no desire to continue living in darkness. You decide one day to give up whatever vice is holding you, any one of a hundred possibilities, and for whatever reason, you stick to it.  Forever. The abrupt change from darkness to light can be disorienting, but you can also clearly see the difference between dogs and wolves where to place your feet and walk towards a future of free from that particular darkness.

But sometimes, a lot of times really, we don’t get that equator light.  We get a peek of light on the horizon where we take a breath and hope but it’s a long, arduous journey through the space in between.  Sometimes we can’t see where to step or where the path leads or the difference between the dogs and the wolves, and it’s really tempting to just sit there, refusing to move. What we don’t realize in that is the light won’t come if we aren’t moving towards it.  The sun will always rise eventually because the earth is in constant motion towards the light.  It’s not always a given in our own lives. 

Humans are excellent at ignoring, avoiding, deferring, or defying logic, and truth, and hope, and all the other components to life to the full, freedom, joy, and light.  I’m usually a decisive person, and won’t hesitate to make a change if I know the outcome will be good, no matter how painful or difficult the change might be.  I don’t like times of uncertainty, of not being able to tell the difference between dogs and wolves, but sometimes we can’t just flip a switch.  

It’s not a secret the transition to this season has been long and arduous and I just wish the dawn would rise for heaven’s sake! But there’s always beauty to be found, in the time between dogs and wolves.  

It's where the most beautiful sunsets are.