It’s a season of busy:
I haven’t really stopped since getting the notice back in Gran Canaria of surprise, you’re heading to Madagascar this
weekend! Somehow we managed to get
just about four months’ worth of work done in six weeks; my sagging clothing a
result of many skipped meals due to being so pressed for time, and my deep love
for this place and these people tribute to the blood, sweat, tears, and love I
have had the privilege of investing so deeply already. My quiet blog is testament to the fact that
while we all have the same 24-hours in a day, I’m choosing to use mine in something
other than writing lately. And that’s
okay.
It’s a season of confidence:
Last year this same week I was running my very first medical education
course called Basic Surgical Skills. As the calendar would have it, we’re
running it again starting on Monday and it’s like night and day compared to
last year. Last year I fumbled my way
along hoping I wouldn’t mess up things too badly; this year, I know what I am
doing, and I know what needs to happen to make it absolutely the best course we
can possibly produce. I’m training my
(incredible) new assistant in how to manage the chaos that is my job, with none
of it being particularly hard but rather the difficulty is found in managing
two zillion small non-difficult details without losing your mind. I’m finding my voice in meetings where I was
too afraid to speak up before, realizing I do in fact have some valuable experience
to draw on as we are growing and improving our Healthcare Education
program. I’ve got a lot more to learn,
of course, but it’s a huge blessing to not
constantly feel like a little kid sitting at the grown-ups table.
It’s a season of realistic
boundaries: Thanks to so many things – my (incredible) assistant, my own
confidence in my work, my comfortably bilingual tongue, and my better understanding
of what is really important, I’m
finding my work isn’t taking over my life as it once was. I work a lot, yes, and I love my work and it’s
still a busy season. There are things
that cannot wait – for example, today (Saturday) I am spending the morning trying
to sort out problems at the slaughterhouse for the animal tissue we need for
the surgical course, and this afternoon writing a report I haven’t found the
time to write that’s due by the end of this week. Tomorrow I have to set up for the course and
meet the instructors and get everything set for the course that starts Monday.
However, next weekend? I’m going away with NO devices and NO email access for
three whole days. And those emails that
come in on Friday evening or over the weekend? They can wait. I don’t have
to answer my phone at all hours of the night and day and week and I’m not going
to get fired for choosing time with friends in the evening over working another
fourteen hour day. Reality is we are all giving of ourselves every single day
and last year at this time I wasn’t sure I would make it; this year? I’m loving
it.
It’s a season of challenge: Learning to walk in big-girl shoes brings out
a whole new set of challenges: managing a team, trusting and empowering them
but not giving them so much they feel they are drowning; keeping on top of
things without being controlling; trying out new ideas that might be amazing
but might also be a complete disaster and not allowing fear of failure
determine my next steps.
It’s a season for others:
One of the joys that has come from
it being a season not of drowning but of growth is that I find myself thinking
so much less about myself and my own survival and much of my thoughts are on
others… a very welcome relief. How can I bless someone today? Who around me
needs a friend? What words of life can I offer or hope can I bring to a
situation or relationship? What is the
most selfless thing I can do in this situation?
It’s such a joy to my soul to feel balanced in this, to pursue
relationship with others as my heart longs for the same, to not feel like I’m
the one sucking life out of those around me but rather asking God how I can
live and breathe and ooze life and joy to all those I have the privilege of
encountering.
It’s a season of walking
it out: I have let fear rule my life for far too long; insecurity, fear of
failure, fear of rejection, fear of what others might think, of being too
needy, of being too much, of not being enough, of being abandoned or forgotten or
humiliated. Over the last several years
I’ve come to recognize these things for what they are, to speak life and pursue
truth and understand the reality that a woman created in the image of God does not need to live in fear. I know the truth, but knowledge is
nothing if it is not walked out in
actions. So in this season of being brave I find myself gathering courage
regularly to walk it out. And every time I don’t succumb to fear and
do ask the questions or say the words or do the thing I’m supposed to do, I can
hear that still small voice whispering to my weary heart Well Done.
It’s a beautiful season, a season I am so honored and
privileged to have been called to, a season filled with joy and truth and life
at its fullest. To all of you who have
walked the path with me, who have supported this journey, who have prayed and
loved and given of yourselves and your words and your time and your resources and
your life… Thank you. I am deeply
grateful.
 |
| Sunset over Tamatave, from the gangway. |
No comments :
Post a Comment