This week I was able to do something I've looked forward to, hoped for, and wanted for five years. I visited my Beninese family that I spent the most time with out in my village while a peace corps volunteer. To see them again five years later was such a privilege; when we said goodbye we really thought it would be forever. These treasures welcomed me into their home whenever I wandered in, whenever I was lonely in village life or just wanted to eat something delicious! They dropped everything and took care of me when I had a massive allergic reaction that could have (but thankfully didn't) become life threatening; they cared for me when I got hit by a moto; they taught me how to be Beninese, instilled in me a love for this place and these people that continues on.
They invited me to join them this week as they celebrated Tabaski, a Muslim holiday I celebrated with them five years ago! They remembered all the things I loved to eat and we filled ourselves with deliciousness, with memories, with stories, with hopes for the future and renewed relationships with each other. What an amazing thing, to have family across the globe. I can't wait to have them to the ship in a few weeks!
The goal.
10 September 2016
I referenced in my last
blog a quote from Brene Brown that has really been on my mind a lot lately:
If authenticity is
my goal and I keep it real, I never regret it. If the goal is
authenticity and they don’t like me, I’m okay. If the goal is being
liked, and they don’t like me, I’m in trouble.
It’s caused me to
ask what’s the goal so
many times and I think it’s really saved me some panic/anxiety/stress.
How?
~ A colleague printed some
invitations in black and white that I thought should have been in color. I really thought
they should be in color, and almost asked her to reprint them… but then thought what’s
the goal? To invite people to training programs, to bring hope
and healing to this country. What isn’t the goal? Impressing
people. The black and white invitations did the job we needed them
to do. I needed to let go of my need to be impressive.
~ I had to give a speech in
French. I stumbled on some words. The goal was to
get information out and build relationships with the people in attendance, and
I did that well. The goal was not to speak perfect French. I
needed to let go of my expectation of perfection.
~ I could spend eight hours
on a school paper, and it would be high distinction level work. However,
the goal is to get the degree and still get enough sleep, take
care of my heart and soul, and be excellent in my work. So really?
Four hours will get me a decent paper and some extra chill time. That’s
a win.
I think about friends I see
panicking about putting together a perfect birthday party
for their children, and I think what’s the goal? If the
goal is impressing all your friends, or the other moms, or the family, then
yeah, maybe that stress is worth it. If the goal is to party and celebrate
life and family and joy, then is it worth all that stress and cost
to achieve pinterest-worthy photos? Not a judgement, just a
question, that I’m asking myself daily it seems.
What's the goal of this work project? Is it to impress people or to help people? What's the goal of a sabbath day? What's the goal of writing a blog? What's the goal of leading a community group?
I don’t know where I read
it or who said it to me, but I have just above my desk a post-it note that
says:
Just keep doing your thing
with as much integrity and love as possible.
That’s the goal.
Authenticity, integrity, passion, love, purpose, light, truth.
May it sink deep in my soul.
Create the space.
04 September 2016
You have to brave with
your life so that others can be brave with theirs. ~Katherine Center
This is my eighth year living in Africa. It’s been incredible and hard and
awesome. So many people call me brave. I’ve
written before (here) that my brave isn’t living in a foreign country and
culture; my brave is admitting mistakes I’ve made, or asking for help, or pushing
through the doubt and fear and lonely and connecting with others.
This year I’ll be leading an open community group aboard the
AFM.
This isn’t a closed group of friends that I know well that
will be journeying together. I’d
honestly rather it was. That’s comfortable,
for me. And what I have done the last
several years. So when I was asking God
what my involvement would look like in small groups this year (as my entire
small group from the last few years has left) it was so clear to me that an
open small group was it.
People can come and go as their work schedules allow. People brand new on the ship with no friends
yet are welcome alongside people who have been here longer than I have. I know that the ship can be a desperately
lonely place, and I know if I feel that I am not the only one.
What is my role in this?
Well, I will tell you what it isn’t.
It isn’t up to me to create spiritual experiences for people. It isn’t up to me to draw people closer to
the heart of God. It isn’t up to me to
make sure people hear from God. It isn’t
up to me to gather a whole big group. It
isn’t up to me to speak to the depths of people’s hearts. It isn’t up to me to try to fill the room or
make people cry or get anyone to say how awesome I am. It’s not even my job to try to be awesome.
My role, what I have been called to do is this: create a safe,
encouraging space for people to connect to others at a heart level beneath the
surface. To start a conversation about
what walking with God looks like. And to
encourage authenticity and vulnerability, by being authentic and
vulnerable.
Brene Brown is one of my favorite author-researchers, and
she says in The Gifts of Imperfection:
If authenticity is my goal and I
keep it real, I never regret it. If the
goal is authenticity and they don’t like me, I’m okay. If the goal is being liked, and they don’t like
me, I’m in trouble.
So my goal isn’t to have a room full of people, or to be
liked, or to be seen as a spiritual leader or really anything about me. It’s about creating space and leading by
example.
So when anyone asks me “how many people did you have?” the
answer will be “just the right number.” Hey,
if no one shows up one week, at least it’s a two hour time period I’ve already
blocked off and allocated towards the pursuit of God.
Why am I sharing this?
If you are on the ship, and this connects in some way to
your heart, (and you are a woman :)) please join me at 7pm on Wednesdays in the Hospital conference room.
If you aren’t – if you are friends, family, support, strangers
afar – I want to encourage you to be brave with what God is asking you to
do. Maybe it’s leading something like me,
or planting a church, or stepping into something new, and you need to be told
it’s not up to you to create spiritual experiences for people, or bring in the
multitudes, or manipulate emotions or experiences… God never calls us to do any of that. Promise. It’s only up to you to create the
space to do so. I’ve lived under so
much pressure in the past that it’s up to me to bring people to youth group or
to church or to a new experience with God… but really, that’s all His work, and
He’s got it.
My brave wall. |
Your being brave allows others to do the same.
I’d love to hear what bravery looks like to you today! xxk
Subscribe to:
Posts
(
Atom
)